He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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