I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
