Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
