Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
