Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
