3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
