K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
birth control should be required to get into college
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
