Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
