I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
