clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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