I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!