I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
