my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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