I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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