Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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