i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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