WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
