Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
