what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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