The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Are we still banned from the library?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then my night got REAL pukey
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
