so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
