is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
