So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
