I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
