my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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