Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
