Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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