I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
