Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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