When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
