And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
