a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize