i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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