so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There r osticjed everywhere
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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