guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
