What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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