Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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