im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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