when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
