I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
