The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
