Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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