Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
