i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
