My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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