Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
