I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
