I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A+ Viking dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
