Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
