This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
