i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
