im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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