Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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