I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
