so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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