well most of my day revolves around power hour
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
