But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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