I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
