The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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