if i can run in heels then i can drive
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize