I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
