and she was petting her beer can
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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