This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.