I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"