Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
