well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
