Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
