I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
