Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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