wrigley field is MILF paradise
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
