you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
