His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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