Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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