coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
