You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
