Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
