were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
