I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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