Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
