You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
