Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
