LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
