this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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